Questions that need to be answered

1. Has anyone seen Reese Witherspoon's bangs lately? Whaaattttt????? My personal opinion = if the long, feathered bangs are a trend on the rebound, then I'm gonna have to settle for being out-of-style. I caught her on Ellen this week and I couldn't get over it. I can't even remember a word she said because I was too busy gawking at her hair.

2. Does anyone watch Ellen? That show is so freakin' funny. It doesn't matter who she has on the show (minus little miss feather bangs)...I am always entertained. I've been working through the night for two weeks, which has given me a chance to catch up on all everything in my DVR and the problem I've found is I can only watch so much Ellen in one sitting. So, I need some recommendations. If you were me, what would you record. So far, I'm catching:

The Ellen Show...obviously

The West Wing...should win "best writing" Emmy every year

Best Week Ever...duh

Two and a Half Men...tie for funniest show on TV

Arrested Development...other half of tie for funniest show on TV

The Apprentice...both Trump and Martha

Pokemon...obligation

The OC...guilty pleasure

3. Despite the above comment about her bangs, who wants to see Reese in Walk the Line this weekend?

It has been a long time (exactly two months)

Since my last post I’ve:

• been in Hawaii, LA (twice), San Diego, San Francisco, Phoenix, Salt Lake City, Dallas, Atlanta (twice), Columbia (SC), Chicago, Boston, and Macon (GA)
• only had 5 days off of work (including the weekends), but launched 12 of 15 “high priority” projects
• spent more time alone than I thought was humanly possible, realizing that although I missed my friends terribly – there is something rewarding about being comfortable spending time with yourself
• made good use of the phrase “I’ll cut you” until I actually cut myself and ended up with stitches and two weeks without the use of my left hand
• let go of a friendship that became a burden and ended a relationship that broke my heart
• cried and prayed and yelled and cursed more times than I can remember
• finished the short stories I’ve been working on for months two weeks before my computer had a meltdown that I'd been trying to have for weeks
• written all of my very personal hopes and thoughts and fears and concerns and prayers in a journal only to leave it in the front seat pocket of an airplane
• learned that at the end of the day - even if you have the best friends in the world - you can only truly count on yourself, God, and your mama…and most of the time that is all you need

Thanks for all of the notes and comments since I took my sabbatical. It is nice to know people actually read this thing. So, I’m back with a smile on my face and a lot to say about nothing.

P. Weezie

I'm sure everyone has seen/heard/read that P. Diddy is changing his name. Yup, for the 17th time, he wants to be called something different. At first, I thought it was lame, but then I remembered that I, myself, have about seven or eight nicknames and people in glass houses...blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I kind of liked the sound of P. Diddy. But, now he has dropped the "P" and he is just Diddy.

OK - Diddy, I'll take that "P" you just tossed away and put it to good use...from now on I'll be P. Weezie.

Vacation: Day Two, Day Three

The first two days of my vacation have flown by. In the past 48 hours, I’ve done nothing but eat, sun, and shop. The first day, we just hung out at the pool. I got my first real sun for the season and then we went shopping. My sister and I had a very late lunch (where I couldn’t enjoy a nice, tall Anchor Steam, my favorite beer, because I’d left my ID in our room. I wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or annoyed, but I was on vacation and was relaxed enough sans beer) and then spent the rest of the day shopping.

Having not adjusted to the time change, sister was ready for bed at 7:00, which left me the rest of the evening to read and do some writing. I finished a short story that I’ve been working on for seven months and tried to get past the point of no completion in the novel I’m certain I will never finish. Regardless, I had some time to get some writing done which is always a good thing.

The second day we went to the beach. I have to admit, I like staying in a place where someone carried your stuff to the beach and sets up your chair and umbrella. I read my book and napped until my sister got bored and insisted we get in the water. We rented boogie boards and tried to ride the waves, but the current was too strong to stay on. I decided to give it up when I ended up getting thrown onto the shore, face first with the world’s largest wedgie…good thing all of my falling down has kept me from being easily embarrassed.

Wedgie aside, nothing too exciting has happened since I’ve arrived. I am totally relaxed and have barely given all of the stress that as been wearing me down a second thought. It all seems to be so far away…I guess it takes four time zones and a large stretch of the pacific to get away from your troubles. Next year – I’ll go to Fiji!

Vacation Day One

I began my vacation today. I’ve been looking forward to it and dreading it all in the same breath for a number of weeks. I’ve been dreading it because I have too much work to do to leave town for a tropical island for a week…looking forward to it because if my brain doesn’t get a chance to relax, it may sprout legs and take off for good…which would leave me crazy or crazier than usual and we all know that isn’t a good thing.

So, I’m off in vacation. Just to make sure things would be “normal” upon my return, I left the city this morning with seven outstanding items on my professional “to do” list and two items on my personal “to figure out” list or better said, both situations with NB and Either/Or as complicated as possible. However, I’ve made an agreement with myself that I’ll try to think of all of these things as little as possible over the next nine days. So far, it’s going ok…although I’ve yet to leave the mainland US.

I managed to leave my apartment and NYC without any cab, train, or airport delays. The flight from NYC to Atlanta was quick and very easy thanks to my first class upgrade. I was totally bummed when I checked my itinerary yesterday to find that of the 12 hours of travel time I was facing today, I’d only gotten an upgrade for the first leg, all of two hours, from the city to Atlanta. But I took advantage of the upgrade regardless and in order to truly kick-off my vacation; I ordered my first cocktail at exactly one minute after noon on the first leg of the trip. Actually, we got into Atlanta early enough for me to grab Chick-Fil-A before the ridiculously long flight to Hawaii, with a short stop in San Fran. With an order of chicken nuggets in hand, I said a small prayer about safe flights and nice travel neighbors for the long ride in coach and boarded the plane.

After settling in my tiny aisle seat in an exit row (thank goodness), I decided this trip wouldn’t be anything I couldn’t bear even though this exit row seat was one of those tricky ones that don’t recline. Just when I’d gotten everything settled and was heading to the restroom for one last time before take off, a couple walked up and began their attempt to shove their carry-ons into the overhead bins. The lady was sitting in the window seat next to me. Her male companion, to whom I am now referring to as SANTA, was sitting in an aisle seat four rows back. Santa began his sales process about how I may enjoy the seat four rows back and before he could even get into his pitch about the seats that do and don’t recline and whatnot, I told him I’d be happy to trade seats with him. Although I’m finding myself a little bitter towards romance today, I know I would hate to be traveling on a flight across the United States, stuck next to some stranger, with my husband four seats away.

It reminded me of the time Either/Or and I were both traveling back from the west coast on business and although we booked our travel without knowing one another would be in the same place at the same time, we ended up on the same flight in seats next to each other. It was the first time I remember feeling that I odd feeling that resembled something like love for him. I say this because on that trip I was number one on the upgrade list with nine seats unassigned (in frequent flyer speak, that equals guaranteed upgrade) and I gave the upgrade up because I’d rather be miserable in coach for six hours next to him than be semi-comfortable in first class knowing he was less than ten rows back and I wasn’t with him.

Anyways (again I digress), I had just settled into my second seat when the stewardess came back looking for the gentleman, or should I say, Santa. I told her that he was seated in my seat and she could find him in 12B. As I began reading my new book, Santa came back to my seat to thank me again for switching seats and to tell me that some good deeds are quickly rewarded because he had been upgraded to first class and his wife had not, so my new seat was 1C. That, my friends, is a perfect example of karma. The sweet couple got to sit together and I got to drown away my romantic bitterness with the Napa wine tasting they just finished serving after three hours...I’m surprised I can still type. This trip may be just what the doctor ordered.

Dear Larry,

Since I think you read my blog more often than you check email, I figured I'd write you a note. I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks. I'm still trapped in this freezing conference room working on really boring stuff.

How are things up your way? Anything new and exciting going on? Please come visit soon. I need to be entertained.

Your friend,
Weezie

PS - MUPP is back in town. We really should have toilet papered his space when we had the chance. Be nice to him - he can't help the fact that he is only slightly smarter than a cocker spaniel.

Celeb Spotting

Since I moved to NYC, I've been pretty lucky on the celebrity spotting front. I've bumped into (literally) Matt Damon at the gym and had conversations with (as in more than 5 minutes of) Stephen Malkmus, Tina Fey, and Drew Barrymore. But only the Malkmus encounter comes close to this morning's celebrity spotting. I passed Vince Vaughn on the sidewalk. I didn't bump into him and I didn't talk to him, but he was very close. If I could adore him more (he is already number one on my top five celebrity crush list), I would now because he is MUCH cuter in person. I'm taking it as a sign that today won't suck, because yesterday sucked and Monday REALLY sucked.

The Big Picture

This weekend was on of the all-time worst. It kicked into low-gear on Friday with a company picnic. I have some of the world’s coolest co-workers. But as much as I like to hang with most of them, I’m extremely overworked and I’ve got too much to do to spend the day out of the office at a company picnic. But, it wasn’t an opt-out situation and there were decent activities and fried chicken involved, so I decided to make the best of it. However, making the best of it became impossible when I woke up Friday morning to a forecast calling for 100 percent chance of rain, with a flood-warning in effect, and a temperature that wasn’t supposed to reach 65. We still went and there were no indoor facilities at the picnic site.

However, there was a covered pavilion with picnic tables and a slue of board games provided by HR for entertainment. Most of the crew played games, while myself and three others decided to entertain ourselves by attempting to trump one another’s complaints. At one point, I offered one of them everything in my messenger bag if she would kindly put me out of my misery by holding the plastic poncho I was wearing around my head as I attempted to breathe deeply. She didn’t take me up on it. It wasn’t because she was avoiding a possible murder charge. She declined my offer because she wasn’t interested in anything in my bag. I don’t know why. The contents included: a new pack of Orbit gum (the new citrus flavor…quite tasty!) a gameboy, the latest copy of Internet Retailer magazine, my cell phone, my sidekick, my wallet and the keys to my apartment. Her loss - she wasn’t thinking big picture. Taking the bag would’ve given her access to all of my belongings and she could have held one hell of a yard sale. Lesson learned: always think about the big picture when making an important decision.

This leads me to the next part of my weekend that sucked…I had my final falling out with Either/Or. I know I said this weeks ago, but things are finally finished with him. D-O-N-E! I’ve been dragging out the “cutting the ties” conversation, because since we had our last “d-o-n-e” conversation, things have been really great between us. However, in looking at the big picture, I realized by letting things continue as is, I’d never move on and would quite possibly miss my chance to see where things would go with NB. The last time this happened, I wasn’t thinking about the big picture and I let Either/Or worm his way back into my life. But, now I’m all about the big picture…what hurts in the short term will pay off on the long run.

For once, I’m glad the weekend is over.

R&R

This weekend was just what the doctor ordered…lots of quality time with my friends and the new boy (NB). Needing some long awaited rest and relaxation, we spent three days sleeping, eating, drinking, shopping, and sunning. The holiday weekend culminated yesterday with activities involving a picnic in the park with a view of one of my all-time favorite bands, corndogs, margaritas, and a roof-top view of the fireworks.

Weekend Update

The highlight of this weekend doesn't involve shoes, boys, or bands. My favorite part of the weekend was riding a bike for the first time in years. It was really fun, despite the fact that it was a billion degrees outside. “Either/Or” and I took his bike to Central Park, rented a bike for me and rode around the loop. Then we decided to leave the park and take a trip down the Westside to the G.W. bridge. I had such a good time that I’m thinking of getting a bike of my own. I’ve been thinking all weekend about my new bike and I’ve got a clear image in mind of what I want. It will be silver or black with a black wicker basket on the front (for one day transporting my cute, little dog) and a pink horn. The only tricky part of the purchase is finding a helmet that is functional, yet fashionable.

Either/Or

I rarely call anyone I’m dating by their real name when talking about them; I just refer to them as “Boy.” And when we are no longer dating, they always get a nickname for future reference. For example, the “Boy” of 2004 was promptly named “He Who” short for “He who should not be named - EVER” shortly after we severed ties. The one before him went from “Boy” to “Wig” because of his out-of-control hair. One of my work friends came up with the perfect name for the one whom, until recently, was called “Boy.” He has now been named “Either/Or” which is short for “Either he is your ‘Boy’ or he’s not, Weezie!”

Pure genius!

Falling down

I am a lot of things...graceful isn't one of them. Seriously, I can fall down just standing there. For instance, this morning (during rush hour) I tripped over my own two feet and completed a nice face plant in the middle of Grand Central Station at 9:00 in the morning. Thank goodness nobody saw it. Uh - kidding...everyone saw it. I think there was even a second or two when everyone halted and stopped breathing because it felt sooo quiet in the middle of the atrium.

I'm so used to the falling bit that I stopped getting embarrassed a long time ago. I think the last time I was truly embarrassed by a fall was my junior year in college when I fell down a flight of stairs at Jacksonville Landing after the GA/FL football game...it was a bad fall. My skirt flew up, I broke the heel of one shoe and fractured my arm in three places.

Anyway, the only thing that really irritated me was I was donning a new pair of pants that I'd been waiting for weeks to wear, saving them for something important...like a third date with a cute boy. I ended up having to buy another pair of pants at lunch due to the large dirt spot left by the floor. And then the shoes I was wearing didn't really match, so I was forced to buy another pair of shoes...being a klutz is freaking expensive.

Modest Mouse

Modest Mouse played last night at the Summerstage in Central Park. It was an okay show. I got to hang with two of my favorite people in town, but the performance left something to be desired. First of all, it just wasn’t a good venue for them. Second, why do they have two drummers? The percussions aren’t that complicated. Do they not realize that one bad drummer plus an average drummer does not equal one good drummer?

I Heart MR

So, once again, it has been way too long since I’ve written anything because work is still crazy busy. My relationship is now non-existent – which frees up some time, but ending it has taken most of my energy. And, on top of that, I’ve been really sick.

Needless to say, I don’t have much to speak out about…except that last night Mo Rocca had a piece on “The Tonight Show” and it was too funny. Basically, it was a very witty “mockumentary” about Superman filmed in Metropolis. First of all, anything that Mo Rocca does is usually very funny, but he also found a way to incorporate the Dukes of Hazzard and the General Lee, which he jumped into a la Bo and Luke Duke style (which for the kids that didn’t a) live in america or b) didn’t have a TV means via the window, into the piece. He ended the whole thing eating a corndog – which we know I love. It made for a great end to my less than great day.

Yes - pathetic as it may be, that’s all I got.

“Backstreet’s back all-right”…

For the past two weeks, I’ve been pretty much consumed by an overwhelming amount of work and my highly entertaining, but utterly frustrating love life. Since I try not to write much about either subject, I haven’t had much to say. But, even though work is tough and I’m in relationship limbo, Weezie is still smiling because it is summer, I live in NYC, and my iPod is loaded (and will be loaded) with great new tunes. I’m so freakin’ excited about all the great albums that have just come out or are being released soon. Who’s with me?

I just finished listening to round one of the new Stephen Malkmus album and, in my opinion (although VERY biased), it is great. I’m bummed that I’ll miss his show next week, but at least the tickets will be put to good use, especially if ALK takes a cute boy with her.

So, in addition to the new SM & the Jicks album, I think the Beck album = great; Ben Folds = great; Doves = great; Spoon = good; Dave Mathews = good (which is big b/c I’m not much of a DMB fan). I haven’t heard the new Audioslave album yet, but it can’t suck and Weezer’s new album has to at least be better than their DVD which was excruciating to watch. I’m anxiously awaiting the new Bright Eyes single, along with the White Stripes and Coldplay albums, but I am just going to assume they will also = great. All of that and Nick Carter and friends are back in business...who wouldn’t be excited?

grumpy smurf speaks out (part deux)

I'm totally grumpy again today. I can now add the following reasons to yesterday's small list of reasons for my grumpy mood:

1. I gained another 107 pounds last night, so you can imagine how comfortable I am right now and how much I HATE what I'm wearing.
2. I had someone on my team change her vacation around so we could attend a conference in two weeks that sold out about 10 minutes before I tried to register.
3. I am more than likely not going to be able to go to Hawaii as planned this summer due to work.
4. My air conditioning in my apartment is busted and my landlord told me that according to my lease, they don't fix the air. That, plus the fact that my tub is still clogging up
5. I was stung by a wasp at lunch - on the side of my neck - which is now the size of Alaska.
6. i still hate my haircut.
7. I simply want to cry at my desk for all of the reasons listed above especially one, three, and five.

grumpy smurf speaks out

Today is definitely a Monday and on this particular Monday, I am definitely playing the role of Grumpy Smurf. I can’t exactly pinpoint why I’m so grumpy. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I really didn’t get much sleep this weekend and it wasn’t because I was doing anything fun. It could be due to the fact that I had a spa day planned today, but had to be at work because my boss is out and we can’t both be gone without the world coming to an end. Or maybe I’m grumpy because I somehow gained 107 pounds overnight. Seriously I’ve had this feeling all day that I’m pushing Sumo-size and could very well be shaking the ground as I walk. And I really don’t like what I’m wearing today and I think I’m done with my haircut and I’m definitely over bicyclists in Manhattan that don’t obey traffic rules and I’m sorry it took me 7 minutes longer than usual to decide what toppings I wanted on the salad I eat every day for lunch, but I can’t help the fact that I couldn’t decide if I wanted tuna or salmon.

In order to make sure my grumpiness doesn’t rub off on my co-workers, I’ve decided I’ll spend the rest of the day quietly playing Gameboy at my desk.

This week's most popular sites

5. http://www.cootersplace.com/
A discussion with a co-worker about the Dukes of Hazzard prompted me to research a fact or two about Cooter. Google led me here where I entertained myself for way too long and actually made a purchase.

4. http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/26DougErickson.html
McSweeney’s is a regularly visited site because it’s guaranteed I’ll find a list that makes me laugh out loud for days. This list is my favorite because it’s about time someone took the time to point out how lame these lyrics were…I should know since I have every word burned into my mind and if I speak them aloud, without the beats V. Ice ripped off from Queen in the background, it sounds ridiculous.

3. http://members.cox.net/ladysarakat/piggy.swf
This made me laugh more and more every single time I clicked the pig. It still makes me laugh over and over again.

2. http://www.rankortank.com/zzz.htm
This jewel of a site was sent to me by a dear friend who knew I needed a pick-me-up one day last week. I don’t think I need an explanation as to why I can visit this page again and again.

1. http://swannydoestaiwan2005.blogspot.com/
I’m eagerly awaiting updates on my friend’s trip to Taiwan and I love this site for two reasons. One - because I can be assured he’s doing okay when he makes an update. Two – his writing is very entertaining and the stories he shares about conversations with his grandfather are amazing and inspirational.
*Bonus = the fact that I basically forced him to start this blog and its existence proves that enough nagging will make someone do anything.

I want to be Beck's summer girl

I finally got the new Beck album loaded on my iPod and like most of his albums, it has taken me a listen or two to like it. Now, I LOVE it. In fact, today I caught myself walking with a little skip in my step like I was the star of the video for the "Girl" track. I'm not sure if it is because the song is just that great, or because the electronica intro is so catchy, or because the sun is shining and I'm wearing my new and very, very lovely spring skirt, but I was so into it that I seriously considered dancing at the crosswalk on the way into the office.

Anyway, I know they just wrapped up production on the video and I'm wondering if it will turn out to be anything like what I've imagined in my mind...starring someone that looks like me wearing a flowered skirt and dark sunglasses dancing in the crosswalk on the way to work. Suddenly, she makes a detour, grabs the cute boy standing next to her in the street and heads to the park to eat corn dogs and Mr. Softee, while lounging and day dreaming all day in the sun.

I'm guessing the video won't turn out as pleasant as I've wished, seeming as the lyrics to the song are actually pretty dark. But a girl can dream, right. Now, I really want a corn dog.

PS - in my imaginary video, my legs were very tan...seriously, I took my dark sunglasses off for a quick second and made the mistake of looking down, catching a glimpse of my pasty white legs...am losing sight in my right eye as we speak.

Question for an accountant...

Over the past few days I've been doing a lot of assessment of online stores. I mean, as an ecommerce professional, I must be up-to-date on the best practices in the industry. This has forced me to look closely at online shopping sites, take note of their merchandising strategies, evaluate the shopping experience, and audit their check-out process. In order to get a firm understanding of these best practices, I've been forced to browse, shop, and purchase at a number of sites.

This brings me to my question...since I've technically been making these purchases as part of professional research, can I create a $2000 line item on next year's tax return marked "professional research?"