Sunday, January 30, 2005

There are no cats in America and the streets are paved with cheese...

When I moved to New York, everybody warned me about the high cost of living and the cold, but nobody bothered to warn me about the rodent population. I’ve seen the rats in the subway and the mice in the streets, but I never thought I’d see a mouse in my house. But, yesterday I spotted Fred, my new four-legged roommate.

Since I’m the only one paying rent it this place, he has got to move out. I’m not so sure how to get him to leave. The polite thing would be to write him a note, but that doesn’t seem like the most realistic option. I’ve already tried talking to him and I thought we had an agreement that when I’m home, he’d stay under the fridge. But, this morning, Fred broke the rules and has been scampering back and forth between his home under the fridge and the bathroom. Since I can’t possibly wear my snow boots around the apartment all day, and I am certain that at some point this afternoon, I’m going to have to use the restroom, Fred must go before he sends an evite to his friends for a party under the fridge in 3B.

I just took a trip to Kmart to see about getting rid of the little critter. I couldn’t bring myself to buy the poison. First, I didn’t want everyone at Kmart to know I was plotting a murder. Second, I can’t fathom the thought of Fred dying in my house and then having to get rid of him myself. Therefore, I ended up buying these ultrasonic pest control devices that you plug into the wall that creates a noise so intense that it basically gives mice a nervous breakdown causing them to flee the premises. I am now convinced that these devices rank up there with the iPod as one of the greatest inventions of all time.

Within seconds after plugging the devices into the wall, Fred made his escape from under the fridge to the bathroom where I’ve now discovered I have a small hole in the wall behind the toilet. A happy ending for all – Fred lives and I can finally take my snow boots off.

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