grumpy smurf speaks out (part deux)

I'm totally grumpy again today. I can now add the following reasons to yesterday's small list of reasons for my grumpy mood:

1. I gained another 107 pounds last night, so you can imagine how comfortable I am right now and how much I HATE what I'm wearing.
2. I had someone on my team change her vacation around so we could attend a conference in two weeks that sold out about 10 minutes before I tried to register.
3. I am more than likely not going to be able to go to Hawaii as planned this summer due to work.
4. My air conditioning in my apartment is busted and my landlord told me that according to my lease, they don't fix the air. That, plus the fact that my tub is still clogging up
5. I was stung by a wasp at lunch - on the side of my neck - which is now the size of Alaska.
6. i still hate my haircut.
7. I simply want to cry at my desk for all of the reasons listed above especially one, three, and five.

grumpy smurf speaks out

Today is definitely a Monday and on this particular Monday, I am definitely playing the role of Grumpy Smurf. I can’t exactly pinpoint why I’m so grumpy. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I really didn’t get much sleep this weekend and it wasn’t because I was doing anything fun. It could be due to the fact that I had a spa day planned today, but had to be at work because my boss is out and we can’t both be gone without the world coming to an end. Or maybe I’m grumpy because I somehow gained 107 pounds overnight. Seriously I’ve had this feeling all day that I’m pushing Sumo-size and could very well be shaking the ground as I walk. And I really don’t like what I’m wearing today and I think I’m done with my haircut and I’m definitely over bicyclists in Manhattan that don’t obey traffic rules and I’m sorry it took me 7 minutes longer than usual to decide what toppings I wanted on the salad I eat every day for lunch, but I can’t help the fact that I couldn’t decide if I wanted tuna or salmon.

In order to make sure my grumpiness doesn’t rub off on my co-workers, I’ve decided I’ll spend the rest of the day quietly playing Gameboy at my desk.

This week's most popular sites

5. http://www.cootersplace.com/
A discussion with a co-worker about the Dukes of Hazzard prompted me to research a fact or two about Cooter. Google led me here where I entertained myself for way too long and actually made a purchase.

4. http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/26DougErickson.html
McSweeney’s is a regularly visited site because it’s guaranteed I’ll find a list that makes me laugh out loud for days. This list is my favorite because it’s about time someone took the time to point out how lame these lyrics were…I should know since I have every word burned into my mind and if I speak them aloud, without the beats V. Ice ripped off from Queen in the background, it sounds ridiculous.

3. http://members.cox.net/ladysarakat/piggy.swf
This made me laugh more and more every single time I clicked the pig. It still makes me laugh over and over again.

2. http://www.rankortank.com/zzz.htm
This jewel of a site was sent to me by a dear friend who knew I needed a pick-me-up one day last week. I don’t think I need an explanation as to why I can visit this page again and again.

1. http://swannydoestaiwan2005.blogspot.com/
I’m eagerly awaiting updates on my friend’s trip to Taiwan and I love this site for two reasons. One - because I can be assured he’s doing okay when he makes an update. Two – his writing is very entertaining and the stories he shares about conversations with his grandfather are amazing and inspirational.
*Bonus = the fact that I basically forced him to start this blog and its existence proves that enough nagging will make someone do anything.

I want to be Beck's summer girl

I finally got the new Beck album loaded on my iPod and like most of his albums, it has taken me a listen or two to like it. Now, I LOVE it. In fact, today I caught myself walking with a little skip in my step like I was the star of the video for the "Girl" track. I'm not sure if it is because the song is just that great, or because the electronica intro is so catchy, or because the sun is shining and I'm wearing my new and very, very lovely spring skirt, but I was so into it that I seriously considered dancing at the crosswalk on the way into the office.

Anyway, I know they just wrapped up production on the video and I'm wondering if it will turn out to be anything like what I've imagined in my mind...starring someone that looks like me wearing a flowered skirt and dark sunglasses dancing in the crosswalk on the way to work. Suddenly, she makes a detour, grabs the cute boy standing next to her in the street and heads to the park to eat corn dogs and Mr. Softee, while lounging and day dreaming all day in the sun.

I'm guessing the video won't turn out as pleasant as I've wished, seeming as the lyrics to the song are actually pretty dark. But a girl can dream, right. Now, I really want a corn dog.

PS - in my imaginary video, my legs were very tan...seriously, I took my dark sunglasses off for a quick second and made the mistake of looking down, catching a glimpse of my pasty white legs...am losing sight in my right eye as we speak.

Question for an accountant...

Over the past few days I've been doing a lot of assessment of online stores. I mean, as an ecommerce professional, I must be up-to-date on the best practices in the industry. This has forced me to look closely at online shopping sites, take note of their merchandising strategies, evaluate the shopping experience, and audit their check-out process. In order to get a firm understanding of these best practices, I've been forced to browse, shop, and purchase at a number of sites.

This brings me to my question...since I've technically been making these purchases as part of professional research, can I create a $2000 line item on next year's tax return marked "professional research?"

The Pain of Beauty

Everyone has those days. You know the ones where you walk out of your house and catch a glimpse of yourself in the reflection of a storefront window and you think, “Man, I look good today.” Well, today is one of those days for me. Having a very pivotal date (and by that i mean, we've been out enough times that the "define the relationship" talk is coming up - not pivotal in terms of what gutter-minded readers may be thinking) with the new boy and a busy work schedule, I was forced to don the work-to-date attire, which you ladies know can prove quite challenging. With precision, I selected an outfit that is work appropriate and, with the removal of the short jacket and a change in earrings, is a hot number that will turn heads.

There is one not-so-perfect thing about my outfit; the hot little strappy heels I selected are already killing my feet. However, like a true fashionista, I will sacrifice comfort for beauty. I made a new discovery - If you walk, all sexy-like, with a slight shake of your tailfeather, you forget your feet are killing you. It also helps to listen to “No Scrubs” on repeat, which can relieve all pain – physical and emotional. In fact, I’ve decided I love the song so much; I’m going to write my own version. Be on the lookout for the "No Scrubs remixx."

Why I love my job…

5. I love to travel to Japan and I really LOVE to shop. Well, now I get to travel to the far east to SHOP for toys and trinkets and someone else is paying for it.
4. We watch The Simpsons everyday at lunch. No explanation needed.
3. Working for a Japanese company rocks. One, I get to practice my Japanese with my co-workers. Second, translating slogans and taglines from Japanese to English is highly entertaining on a weekly basis.
2. Who wouldn’t love working for a company that peddles cartoon and video games?
1. Dudes LOVE the fact that I work for a company that peddles cartoons and video games. I’ve been asked out four times in two weeks after engaging in delightful conversation struck up by the fact that I was playing my new gameboy to learn the games on my commute. And this weekend, I found myself at a party, feeling like Scarlett at the Wilkes' bar-b-que, surrounded by boys hanging on my every word. As soon as any male found out where I worked, it seemed to raise my cool points significantly. While I'm sure I can stand on my own without the cool job, I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t enjoy the attention. I know I’m digging it.